Diary of a Nobody etc etc The Universe often

excerpts from Diary of a Nobody not to be confused with the Nobody in the eighties this is the Diary of a Nobody who has a bruised bum!

The universe often throws up strange questions for me to ponder and answer, when Google fails to produce an adequate answer!

Like “Is it really worth a bit of pain and discomfort for clean hair and a soak in the bath”, well 2 hours ago whilst lazing in steaming hot perfumed water, squeaky clean hair piled atop of my blissed out head I would have answered abso-bloody –lutely. Fast forward 25 luxurious minutes later to a crumpled cold wet naked body attempting to alleviate the excruciating throbbing pain in her fractured coccyx, that has once again sustained the fall of a large fat bird who has just tw*tted her naked broken ankle on the chair she was attempting to slide up on to, and no, you don’t see small tweeting birds circling your head like the Disney cartoon figures do, you in fact see blinding white light (possibly an NDE) whilst simultaneously experiencing white hot pain rapidly changing sites between ankle and coccyx at the speed of light, whilst a sea of nausea makes its presence known by threatening to produce ones lunch of olive pate on toast, washed down with a generous mug of coffee, if one dares to attempt movement of any description. Fast forward a long drawn out hour that felt like eternity to a scene of a fully dressed figure once more safely deposited on my computer chair, ankle throbbing mercilessly, though now strapped back into a half cast, whilst said figure attempts to find a position that doesn’t further aggravate the now screaming coccyx which I believe is screaming something along the lines of” stop falling on me, you fat bint or loose some weight you lard arse! “
Giggling I ponder the question again as the heady happy pills distance me from the Looney toon balancing on one cheek, whilst elevating an angry broken foot now sporting a fetching stripy sock worn jauntily on the end of the cast like a Paul Gautier beret . Nope Its not worth it, is my resounding reply to said quandary, painless solution to said problem of mucky hair when washing is prohibited due to brokens bits liberaly scatted about ones person! Get a friend to buy you a hat and some strong smelly incense. As ones hair apparently self cleans after a few weeks if one can cope with the smell, hence, the incense. So in future weeks should you decide to call in , you will find me wearing a fetching hand made tea cosy (Ive stapled the spout hole and velcroed the handle hole to allow quick access for phone calls etc ), surrounded by swirls of heady nag champa smoke, chuckling away to myself after receiving a visit from the “Screaming Ab Dabs Faery” who is the unfortunate issue, of an alleged incident between the “Lost it Completely Elf “and the “ Ok Just One More Faery” after a knee’s up in the Dog an Duck got a little out of hand……… buts that’s another story